This concept was something that I presented to my Instagram fam a few months ago. I received so much feedback from it that a blog post was warranted. “Hurt people hurt people.” It seems like a dark and negative topic, but it’s a fact that both HURTING and “WHOLE” people need to understand. Why? Because we gain understanding. We learn where and HOW we can help others who are hurting. We learn how we can support ourselves. We also learn grace. We learn to not take “hurt” from someone else as a personal attack on our character, but rather a cry for love, help, and healthy relationship. Think about it. You rarely see happy, healthy, and WHOLE people walking around and ruining days. The people who are hurting others are hurt themselves.
What Does Hurt Look Like?
•Hurt looks like neglecting your body by not feeding it properly and fueling it with clean nutrition to be physically and emotionally well.
• Hurt looks like growing up in a negative environment and not properly dealing with the side effects (hurt) of that down the road. (This can affect familial, professional, and intimate relationships).
• Hurt looks like not getting enough rest and properly moving your body for it to function and live well.
• Hurt looks like being dealt a bad hand of cards in life and choosing the attitude of victim instead of empowerment.
Hurt People CAN Change
So many people are walking around hurt. They don’t realize that their diet, their lifestyle, their past experiences growing up, & their personal CHOICES are causing that hurt within. When you are discontent and uncomfortable with yourself and your circumstances, you tend to project that onto others in small, yet powerful ways. It can negatively impact those around you and that is not fair. The first step is identifying that you are hurt. Most hurt people, in my opinion, have created this negative habit over time.
They’ve LEARNED to respond poorly. They’ve LEARNED to lash out instead of taking a step back and responding in a healthy, positive, and constructive way. They take things personally and all of the hurt from “life” over time has influenced their negative response habit. I also think that they believe that that is just who they are. They identify with that “hurt person” and don’t think they can change. Here’s the truth. THEY CAN. There is hope for those who are hurt. I don’t say this from a Professional Counselor or Psychologist’s point of view. I say this from my own personal testimony in healing from hurt and dealing with hurt people whom were quite close to me.
Dealing With Difficult People
Maybe you’re on the other side of that “hurting person” and you’re affected by them. It’s really easy to just want to avoid them. No one wants to be around a chronically mean and negative person. But you know what? That “hurt” person kind of knows that. In them subconsciously knowing that, I think it reinforces their native behavior. It’s easier to just continue being how they are than to actually TRY to be different in a world that has constantly let them down.
If you’re on the other side, it’s not going to be easy, but they need you. They need your love. They need your support. They want to be known and understood. They don’t want to hurt and you CAN help them by simply trying to communicate, be patient, and understand them (even if they’re still engaging in hurtful habits).
(disclaimer: I don’t want this to be misinterpreted wrongly if someone reading this is dealing with a hurt person who is physically or emotionally abusive. That is a different ball game. Do I think that physically and verbally abusive people can heal? ABSOLUTELY. 100%. But it takes A LOT of work. It takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of prayer. It takes the help of a professional. But yes, I 100% believe and KNOW they can heal. It’s a lot of deep spiritual, emotional, and physical work.
The hurt person has to be willing to take the steps to heal and the person affected has to commit to walking in that healing with them. And NO, you’re not crazy or wrong if you decide to do that. I believe deep down in someone hurt is someone wanting good, but just not knowing how to get there. I believe in walking alongside someone you love SO LONG that the hurt person is taking healthy steps. Disclaimer: If you are in a physically and/or emotionally abusive relationship and feel threatened, please call the National Abuse Hotline 1-800-799-7233 or 911).
Whether you are hurting or you dealing with someone “hurt”, I want you all to realize that people don’t have to hurt (and they don’t want to). Hurting is painful, but it doesn’t have to be permanent. Again, healing is hard. It takes time. It takes MAKING CHANGES. Making changes takes WORK! It also may not fully heal. But it can get better and lighter when dealt with appropriately. Below are 3 steps you can take to start making change.
3 Steps To Take In Healing From Hurt
Start making ADULT DECISIONS when it comes to your diet. You KNOW better. You KNOW that soda isn’t good for you. You KNOW that french fries aren’t nutrients. Those may taste good in the moment, but they are hurting you physically AND emotionally. Our conventional approach to healing the mind consists of therapy and drugs. We GREATLY discount the science that is EVERYWHERE if regards to how intimately connected our brain and gut are, the effects of leaky gut on the brain, and ultimately the affects of inflammation (depression, temper, anxiety) within the brain related to our diet. That physical hurt is building up.
Our past emotional experiences coupled with an inflammatory diet is a recipe for disaster. Feed your body what it needs to THRIVE. I recommend looking into a Whole Foods Regiment. Paleo and Whole30 is a great place to start. Drink LOTS of water. Hydrate those cells. Clean nutrition, movement, proper rest, and hydration is the vital RX many conventional practitioners fail to “prescribe” today.
Move your body. Get outside in the sunshine and move. Do yoga at home , walk 10 mins outside, ride your bike, get back to running. Exercise heals your body and brain. It allows you to use all of that built up energy in a positive way and all of that “hurt emotion” becomes lighter. You are not going to WANT to do this, but if you want to heal, you HAVE to! When you move your body, you’re creating endorphins and like the Legally Blonde line goes, “ Endorphins make your Happy!!” Exercise is a positive action. It helps produce serotonin (the feel-good chemical), supports your lymph system (detoxes your body and keeps you healthy), and creates confidence. The more positive actions you take in life, the more positive experiences and emotions you will create and feel. This makes you feel more confident and empowered. Hurt people live in a victim mindset. Moving & strengthening your mind and body is a way to counteract the “victim” feeling and shift into feeling more empowered!
Get therapy. YES! I said it. GET THERAPY. GO TO COUNSELING. Talking to someone professional and GOOD is one of the most helpful ways to heal. It’s not only having someone to help you make changes, but it’s also someone listening. Ladies, there is something so incredibly healing about simply being heard and well…DUMPING your toxic emotion & feelings. It truly is a mental detox. I’ve dropped big money on paying someone to just let me “dump.”
You know that feeling when you got in trouble for something so dumb at work and it really hurt your feelings? You didn’t want to go telling the world, but you finally confided in a close friend who just listened and gave you some positive & constructive feedback? Then you felt relief and better moving forward? Yah. That’s what counseling feels like. Except addressing the deeper harder things in life.
Counseling saved my marriage. It saved my LIFE! Therapy is a healthy and safe place to process where you’re at. It makes you learn more about yourself, your thought process, and you grow more confident with YOUR emotions and who you are. It presents different perspectives that will totally shift your mind and how you view the world (along with past hurt). THERAPY IS NOT WEAKNESS! It’s the HEALTHIEST and STRONGEST act that a hurting human being can do.
(Finding a GOOD therapist takes time and sometimes is a process. Ask around. Get referrals. Do your research. If you don’t connect with one, go to the next. I promise. It’s worth it. Referrals are the best. And if you’re too embarrassed to ask yourself, “ask for a friend” on facebook 😉 If you’re in Tallahassee, Florida – Louisa Martin LMFT and in Marietta Ga, Stace Huff, MS, LPC are two I strongly recommend).
My favorite Nutritional & Mind-Healing Resources:
•The. Holistic. Psychologist – Dr. Nicole Lepera Clinical Holistic Psychologist
•Functional.Foods– Tyler Jean Student of Naturopathic Medicine
•Mel Robins – Anxiety Over-Comer, Motivational Speaker
My Fav Books:
•Paleo For Beginners -John Chatham
We Owe the World a Healthy, Happy, and WHOLE Self
We DESERVE happiness. We deserve LOVE. We deserve being content with ourselves and life. Life isn’t easy. I’ll be the first to tell you. I’m almost 30, and I’ve been both the one hurting and on the other side of someone hurt. As a matter of fact, we deal with hurt people at work and in life daily. It’s tough. We CAN’T always control what life throws at us, but WE ARE RESPONSIBLE for the words we use and actions we take in response to it. WE HAVE A CHOICE. WE are in control.
A few Last Notes
•Those who are hurting, commit to the process of healing and relearning.
•Take action to get help. It’s doesn’t feel fair to hurt, but you CAN get help.
•Those who are being affected by others, humble yourself. Have grace to HEAR and HELP those who are hurting. You may honestly be the only one who does and possibly the shifting factor for someone accepting that change needs to happen.
•Ultimately, cling to what God promises and the Freedom and Healing that is found in him!
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to hard you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11
THIS. This is when we will truly be able to fully LOVE, LIVE, HEAL & THRIVE!
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